Who's Becks?

0. LATERAL THINKING
Alex Ferguson is getting worried about his team's recent poor form against Arsenal. He just can't understand it, Manchester United are the biggest club in Europe, have all the best players, but every time they play the Gunners, they get beaten.

So Alex gives Arsene Wenger a call and explains his problem. Arsene is very understanding and invites Alex down to watch his team training. So Alex turns up in London and spends a day watching the Arsenal players. At the end of the training session he says to Arsene.

"I still don't understand, we seem to do all the same things in training that you do, but you still beat us all the time".

"Ah" says Mr Wenger, "I don't think it's anything to do with the training. I think it's because my players are more intelligent than yours".

Alex looks a bit peeved and asks Arsene, "What the hell do you mean by that?".

"Well" says Arsene, "We also train our boys in lateral thinking".

To demonstrate his point he calls over Dennis Bergkamp.

"Dennis, here's a problem for you. He's you father's son, but he's not your brother; who is he?".

"That's easy" says Bergkamp, it's me."

"Correct" says Arsene.

Alex is very impressed. He goes back to Manchester and next day in training he calls over David Beckham.

"David, I've been talking to Arsene Wenger and he reckons his players are more intelligent than ours".

"That's rubbish, Boss", is Beckham's considered reply.

"OK", says Alex, "I've got a question for you. He's your father's son, but he's not your brother. Who is he?"

Beckham looks blank and replies, "Need some time to think about this one boss, can I tell you tomorrow?"

Alex agrees and Beckham goes home thinking about the problem. He asks Posh Spice, but she hasn't a clue what he's talking about. He eventually decides to give Jaap Stam a call, thinking that as Arsenal have a lot of foreign players, maybe he will understand.

"Hello Jaap, it's David. I've got a question for you. He's your father's son, but he's not your brother. Who is he?".

"That's easy", says Jaap, "It's me".

So Beckham calls over Alex Fergurson the next day in training and says, "Morning Boss, I've got the answer to that question"

"OK. What is it?" asks Alex.

"It's Jaap Stam" replies the confident Beckham.

"You stupid idiot!" shouts Alex, "It's not Jaap Stam... it's Dennis Bergkamp!"

1. TURNING BACK THE CLOCK
David Beckham tried to sell his old car. He was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, he told his problem to a team-mate at training. The team-mate told him, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied Beckham, "if I only can sell the car."

"Okay," said the team-mate. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following day, Beckham made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the team-mate asked Beckham, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied Beckham, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

2. BECKHAM CHASED BY A VAMPIRE
One day David Beckham kept having the same weird dream everyday, so he went to see his doctor.

Doctor: What was your dream about?
Beckham: I was being chased by a vampire!

Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Beckham: I was running in a hall way.

Doctor: Then what happened?

Beckham: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!

Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Beckham: Yes it did.

Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Beckham: It said "Pull"

3. BUS NUMBER 54, WHERE ARE YOU?
David Beckham was visiting New York for the first time. He wanted to see the Empire State building. Unfortunately, he couldn't find it, so he asked a police officer for directions - "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Empire State building?"

The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." Beckham thanked the officer and he drives off.

Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, David is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Empire State building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"

Beckham replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now... the 45th bus just went by!"

4. TIME FLIES
Following Real Madrid's 3-0 win over Arsenal at Highbury in the Champions' League, the Spanish team were fifteen minutes into their flight back to Madrid.

The captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry, we still have one engine left."

Passenger David Beckham turned to his team-mate Roberto Carlos and said, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

5. SLOW BECKHAM
How do you make David Beckham laugh on a Thursday?

Tell him a joke on Monday.

[|[DK]|]

haha, được đấy..thix nhất câu chuyện đầu tiên ..hehe

[Bastitung]

sặc sặc, chết cười mấy ku M.U. Chắc bài này do fan Arsenal nghĩ ra nhỉ?